


Forever isn't very long with you.

by I_want_to_hunt_the_Moon



Category: Feverwake - Victoria Lee
Genre: A little bit of angst, Autism, Autistic Dara Shirazi, Banter, Domestic Fluff, I fucking love banter, M/M, They're In Love Your Honor, wish I could be this eloquent when it wasn't about fictional characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28328247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_want_to_hunt_the_Moon/pseuds/I_want_to_hunt_the_Moon
Summary: He was so good. So good. And normal. He could get through social interactions without cheating with telepathy and understand questions right and Dara was so sorry that he was tricked into loving Dara this much. “I’m sorry I’m like this all the time.”“I love you, all of you, all the time. Please don't apologize.”“I make things difficult.”Noam sat up. “Not at all.”
Relationships: Noam Álvaro/Dara Shirazi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	Forever isn't very long with you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tinee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinee/gifts).



> This is for you, tinee, for no other reason than that you were enthusiastic about this idea and also partly inspired it with your autistic Dara headcanons way back but I guess it can count as a Christmas present (I promise I will read the latest chapter of Take me home. December is just being an asshole month rn)

Dara gently pressed the fingernail of his thumb into the pads of his fingers. Hand between his pulled up knees so Noam wouldn't see.

_Pointer, middle, ring, pinky, pointer, middle, ring, pinky, pointer, middle, ring, pinky-_

“Y’alright, babe?” Noam asked softly from beside him. Dara let his eyes catch Noam’s briefly before flitting away, then he remembered himself and forced himself to look at Noam.

“Fine.” _Too monotone._

Noam frowned and then deliberately looked at the ceiling. “You sure?”

Dara could feel long fingers gripping his chin. _Eyes up_ . “Yes. We can make eye contact.” _That’s what normal people do because it’s not difficult and a part of daily life, Dara._

Noam nodded thoughtfully. “But we don't have to.”

“Not right now but it can be practice for with, you know, other people.”

“Or we can just relax and be comfortable in our own home. Eye contact doesn't serve a purpose anyway.”

Dara jerked his shoulders up to his ears. “It’s an important part of social interaction and gives many nonverbal clues.”

Noam’s face stayed carefully blank. “Is that your opinion?” Dara looked dejectedly at his knees. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

“I don't like to think about him,” Dara whispered.

Noam sighed. “I know, me neither.”

He was so good. So good. And normal. He could get through social interactions without cheating with telepathy and understand questions right and Dara was so sorry that he was tricked into loving Dara this much. “I’m sorry I’m like this all the time.”

“I love you, all of you, all the time. Please don't apologize.”

“I make things difficult.”

Noam sat up. “Not at all.”

Dara rolled his eyes. “I get upset when my school schedule changes and I’m not home before five, or when we don't have any green tea left so I have to drink jasmine and I can't even manage to tell you what’s wrong because I can't even _talk_.”

Noam shrugged. “Those are perfectly valid reasons, jasmine tea fucking sucks.” Dara laughed at that, maybe longer than was appropriate. “Your brain just needs different things like rhythm and predictability. Nothing wrong with that.”

“You don't get tired of it?”

“Nah.”

“I do. I want a working brain,” Dara said lightly.

“Your brain works fine just-”

“Differently, yes I know.” Dara tucked his legs under him and turned sideways so he was facing Noam and reached out to guide Noam’s head downward so he looked at Dara again. “I just wish… things were easier again.”

Noam’s eyes grew sad again. “Baby.”

“You didn't fall in love with this version of me. I used to get sarcasm and move pretty.”

“Getting sarcasm is not a trait I deem important in a partner or anyone for that matter, Dara. And you still move pretty, everything about you is breathtaking.”

Dara quickly pressed their lips together. “Thought you were gonna say ‘and you still move pretty on my dick,’” he murmured.

Noam’s arms circled his middle. “‘M not a fuckboy.” Dara made a doubtful noise against his lips. “Hey,” Noam laughed. He carefully tugged Dara forward until he was laying on his back with Dara spread over his chest and he held him close. Dara reached over his shoulder towards his holoreader and randomly selected a playlist. 

Things had been awful at first and Dara had been convinced that he and Noam could never move in together because either Dara would have to go crazy or Noam would have to give up too much but it turned out that Noam didn't mind not being able to play music in the background when he worked because then it would be the only thing Dara could focus on. “I’ll just wear headphones,” he shrugged. And he shouldn't have to, it was Dara’s problem, Dara wasn't even able to handle soft music so Dara should be the one to adjust himself except he wasn't able to because noise cancelling headphones made him terrified of every movement in his peripheral vision and moving to another quieter room just made them both lonely.

“It’s me,” he had whispered. “I’m the problem.”

Noam had just petted through his hair. “Not a problem. Just sensitive.”

Things like that happened every time and Dara was baffled by the ease with which Noam adjusted himself without expecting anything in return besides that Dara continued to tell him how he felt. 

Noam interrupted their cuddling after some time to press pause on the playlist. “Have you thought about what we talked about, baby?”

Dara buried his face in Noam’s neck. “I don't want a weighted blanket, it makes me feel trapped and I don't like things in my mouth or something obvious.”

“Nothing wrong with stimming.”

“I haven't been told that very often and so many people are watching us now. I don't want them to make fun of me.” Dara trailed restless fingers in patterns over Noam’s shoulder. His shirt was soft.

Noam slowly stroked over his back. “What about something that can pass as jewelry? Like a ring or a bracelet?”

“That would work.”

“We’ll find you something pretty, don't worry.” Dara pressed a soft kiss to his neck in thanks and moved his head to Noam’s chest so he could listen to his heartbeat.

“I miss your mind.”

“I must have been loud,” Noam murmured.

Dara chuckled. “You were but I didn't mind most of the time, you were this pool of sunlight in the darkness and I adored it.”

“Catboy,” Noam accused.

“I’m leaving you,” Dara said immediately but he didn't move from his position on the chest that was shaking with laughter underneath him.

Noam’s hand slid to his hair. “I can tell you what I’m thinking, it probably won’t be the same but I can try.”

Dara closed his eyes tightly. “Please.”

“Uhm, okay, I uhm.” Noam sighed. “I’m thinking that you're warm. And cute. Your curls are growing out again and you'll have to go to the hairdresser soon if you want to keep it short. I wonder if you want to keep it short and where you’ll go to the hairdresser. Probably a ridiculous expensive place that will make me faint and ask what's wrong with just grabbing a pair of scissors. If you're going to do it before our next hike, and if the weather will be nice when we go. And-”

Dara kept his eyes closed as he listened to Noam’s voice, it wasn't the same but it was nice, he recognized the pattern of thinking Noam had always displayed. A straight line, catching onto a thought and lifting itself onto a different track and following it. It astounded Dara who’s mind drew connections between subjects that were connected with the vaguest of strings. Dara would think that his hair was growing out and he had curly hair which reminded him of an article that brought up a new hypothesis on why curly hair existed which reminded him of his new university homework because both were connected to science and learning which reminded him of the new thorium reactor they were testing in Russia which-

“Baby?”

Dara lifted his head. “Sorry. Tangent,” he said with a vague gesture to his head.

Noam slowly slid his hand from Dara’s hair to the bottom of his chin and kissed him. “Want to keep at your tangent?”

Dara sighed, slowly opening his eyes. “No, I’ll listen. I just got distracted. Keep going. I want to know what you're thinking.”

Noam smiled. “I’m thinking that you're too adorable for words.”

Dara raised his eyebrows. “Fuckboy.

Noam breathed out a laugh and pushed his own bangs out of his face. “I’ll have you know I’m a fuckman.”

Dara stretched his arms behind Noam’s head and laughed. “Apologies.”

Noam’s face turned mock serious. “Accepted.”

Dara was smiling in a way that was broad and real and unfamiliar still. “You're funny.”

“Nah, just stupid.”

Dara tilted his head, considering. “Sometimes.” He laughed again as Noam mock pouted and kissed him until he couldn't keep a straight face anymore. “I wish I still had magic so I could find a way to freeze time. I want to stay like this forever.”

Noam slid a hand under Dara’s sweater and rubbed over his back with big strokes.“Can't quite do that for you but I can promise that we will have a lifetime of moments where we wish we could stop time.”

Dara pressed his smile to Noam’s. “That’s more than enough, darling.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my experiences, autism is intricate so not everybody who is autistic will relate to this.
> 
> You may think that I'm being held hostage in someones basement and that's why there's two updates but I'm fine it's just a Christmas miracle.
> 
> Also I won't have wifi for a little bit so if I'm ignoring you its because of that!
> 
> Personally I feel like Lehrer would cope awfully with having an neurodivergent child even if he himself was neurodivergent because his masking and coping has gotten to the point it's easy for him and he expects the same level of control from Dara.
> 
> Jasmine tea tastes like watery soap fight me.
> 
> Heart beat and heartbeat mean different things??? Forget anything I've ever said about being good at English its getting weird.
> 
> Title I made up myself but I'm thinking about it now and I think probably stole this from fucking Winnie the Pooh


End file.
